My First Lost of Loved Ones
When she is gone, no matter how we feel, we lost her. All I can say is: Rest in Peace, you are always still in my heart – my grandma, Ngeow Lian Yin.
She was born in 30th April 1929, she takes care of every child she has, and we heard a lot from my mom and relatives. All I can say is no matter how poor my grandma and grandfather were, they never neglect all the children. (For your information, during the old days, families who cannot afford to raise the children will give them to others.) They are the real tough warriors, to be able to gone through everything for so many years.
We can only meet her once in a while. There are thousands of excuses for not meeting up or gathering sometimes, but grandma never complain. All she can say is in Hakka: “it is ok, it is ok.”
But unluckily, devils of sickness start to attack her body, even the toughest gladiator version grandma fell sick, and terribly sick. She gone through a lot more than we do: - breast cancer, few operations, part of body start malfunctioning and lot more. But yet, she will just bear the pain and replied: “I can take it.”
One day of year 2010, mom told me: “grandma is very sick now, please try to visit her while you can.” “Mom, I am busy, working load is coming up, I will try to find time, plus I do not know how to go grandma’s house.” “Try your best, she is not feeling well.” Ouch, and I thought, she will recover soon, not to worry.
Time passed, Chinese New Year 2011 arrived. My aunt told me: “Grandma is very sick; your youngest aunt is taking care of her. She cannot eat anything at all, she is having kidney infection. We might need to send her to old folk homes if is needed.” “Ok, why not? We will share the fund to cover her expenses, not to worry. “Alas, but then again, there are people in the family refuse to co-operate. Some complained, some agreed. I just tell my aunt, I am fine contributing a little as I cannot afford to pay more as I have really high commitment, but I paid better than none.
10 Feb 2011, just few days of Chinese New Year, mom called. “Grandma is in hospital now. We will go and see her in the hospital.” My heartbeat stopped for few seconds. She is in ICU! We rushed to hospital. The first moment I saw her, I felt shocked and gasped. I cannot bear to see her, she is so in pain! She managed only to open one eye, she is in coma, she cannot speak, and she looked very pale. “The doctor said grandma’s kidney affection has spread to her weak body, and only part of her brain was still functioning,” Aunt said. I called my name, just to let her know that I came. She hardly response but she moved her fingers just a bit.
After few days, grandma was sent back home, hospital had announced that she have few more days to live only. We are so heartache, seeing her lying down at the room, struggling to breathe. Too many fights and arguments happened, and I knew that all she wants is: seeing us reunion and be happy, do not be so stubborn just for own benefit. Thus, what is the point of life for people who only think of themselves? That night everyone stayed back, because everyone afraid it might be her last day of life. We saw her not moving, and immediately everyone just tried to tell her that grandma, please rest in peace, and do not worried about us. We were so nervous, but luckily she was still breathing. I cried for days and nights. No matter what, there was a glimpse of hope in my heart that telling me, grandma will make it; she will wake up from coma, and smile back at me.
19th Feb 2011 – we planned to celebrate grandma’s birthday earlier so we planned a birthday party for her. I was told, in her life, grandma does not really celebrate her birthday. So we thought of to hold a party for her will make her happy at least. I was watching a movie and at 530pm, my brother called me. “Grandma passed away at 520pm.” I almost dropped my hand phone and my mind just went blank. No, I do not want to hear that at all! Not that sentence, I cried terribly, but yes, she is gone. I rushed to her house to see her. She did not move at all, and I can see that she is in pain while she was gone. Maybe she knew we celebrated her birthday earlier, and everyone will be here. In her heart, she might have nodded and finally, she can go away peacefully.
20th – 21st Feb 2011 – we held the funeral ceremony, we send her to her ‘place’ peacefully. I saw her ‘resting’ in the coffin, and I just tell myself, it is a lifecycle, people will go away one day too, it is just the matter of when. And then, I just whispered to her: “grandma, rest in peace, we love you. Without you, there will not be any of us exist then.” We sent her from house to the cemetery, and that is the last moment I am with her.
At her age of 82, all she asked was: being simple, and accept everything she has now, learn to be satisfied and be happy. But, all we know, nowadays, such things do not apply to everyone. Why? We always catch up with trends and things are moving fast, money spending is growing. Is it really necessary? And I regretted that we did not give the best at least for her, and did not have more time to be with her, to share the pain she has to take up so much.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
As in the search of achieving my travel dream starting the year 2011, I would like to share my very first moment by telling you: - My Chinese new year celebration at Malacca 2011.
2 Feb 2011 - My journey started off at Seremban. My whole family had our Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner at there, and was joined by Mr Andrew. (He planned to kidnap me to Malacca). We did "Lou Shang" mixing up raw ingredients (crispy biscuits, salmon, colourful titbits) and had a full dinner. After that, off I went to Malacca!
3 Feb 2011 – A morning shiny hot day woke me up, and I rush out to take some pictures of ancient houses at Malacca. Melaka or Malacca is an ancient city full of tourists, hence when you want to see the traditional things, Malacca is the right place. After wandering for 15 minutes at the street, someone called me. “Hey, come back here, later you will got lost!” Andrew shouted. I had to move my lazy legs back to the house, but my eyes were still at the surroundings of ancient things and cultures.
But it was good also; I was able to go back into the ancient house (the house existed since World War2) to take pictures. A lot of ancient things (include the old washboard) were still ‘preserved’, and thanks to Mrs Lee, the great grandmother who take care the whole generations till now, took good care of the house too. “It is just a washboard.” I replied: “I know, but I was amazed still that I can still see it with my own eyes.”
And the next thing I do was, putting on my cheongsam (Chinese traditional clothes for Chinese New Year) and rushed down to say ‘Gong Xi Fa Cai’. It was the first time I ever wore traditional Cheongsam and I need to be careful with it (one big trip over will cause my clothes torn apart) imagine how tight the cheongsam was! Anyway, everyone was enjoying food and exchanging angpow. I did get my angpow after the greetings, but I did not give any in return, because I was not married (giving hints).
After the lazy noon, I am so bored in the house, so we went off to fetch Dennis’s (Andrew’s cousin) friend which her house was 15 minutes driving distance from Andrew’s house. I was famous in sleeping in the car, but something caught my eyes. “Wait, stop!” I shouted for joy. I saw a local Malay stall. It reminded me during childhood time (I grew up in Malay’s resident area) and no way I am going to miss it! After bugging Andrew, he finally brought me to there. They sold many types of snacks or light food (kuih in Malay), and I craved for it. Now you know why people gain weight during festive seasons. After a big feast, off we headed back home.
Night time, food again! As it was the first day of Chinese New Year, most of the shops were closed, but behold with the other races, they for sure will not miss the chance to operate their food business since it was a weekend plus festival holiday. Therefore, we stopped by at a Malay stall named ‘Seri Muala Alai- by HJ Nasir Ikan Bakar’, at here you are able to see lot of seafood being grilled and they grilled upon requests of ordering. It was so crowded, and we had to wait for hours to get our food. In the end, we had no choice but to leave the place and go for others food, the normal food, but you should checked it out.
4 Feb 2011 – After the usual greetings of Chinese New year with a different new dress in the afternoon (busy rolling myself on the bed during the whole morning), and I and Andrew went to Malacca jetty (near Holiday Inn). It is a sea view (I enjoy seeing landscape the most), and it was almost sunset at that time.
After that, off we went to have our dining and please, you will love the Nyonya curry chicken, if you are looking for the original flavours of cooking.
Since it is a Saturday, the Jonker Street (local night market) will be packed with people, especially tourists. At here, you will see the usual cheap and cute things will be sold. Some hawkers also sell the local food or handmade souvenirs so that you can by some for your loved ones, what amazed me the most was a street performer, where he expressed his feeling through music with playing guitar and flute. This is what I feel about him: Life wasn’t easy for some people, but learn to satisfy is the key of happiness. “Hey, girl, where are you? Come join me for a meet up and a cup of coffee,” my friend, Esther called me. I replied: “ok, roger!” I went into the Calanthe Art Café near Jonker Street (they sell 13 states of coffee of Malaysia), and boy, they do have lots of ancient old things where I cannot help but taking the pictures of the things because I love culture and impressed how advance the technology can be, from old till trendy nowadays.
5 Feb 2011 – as Malacca is famous with it local food – Cendol, I woke up early morning, feeling hot and wanted to try the local dessert. Off I and Andrew went to jonker88 (near a Chinese temple at Malacca) and it was packed! But go for the Cendol, it was nice. Inside the shop, I amazed by the cart bank where different stamps and dollar from different countries were displayed, how I wished I can do that, travel around the world and keep the stamp and dollar notes as memory in my life.
After feeling nice finishing up the Cendol, I saw a lion dance performance at the street. (Lion dance is a form of traditional dance in Chinese culture, in which performers mimic a lion's movements in a lion costume), and we did saw a lots of lion dance performance this year with the Chinese spirit which are: teamwork make success, and we do not work alone.